- Playing totally accurate battle simulator series#
- Playing totally accurate battle simulator simulator#
It’s silly, chaotic, simple and just so much damn fun.
Playing totally accurate battle simulator simulator#
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is the game for adults who used to spend hours building the most elaborate, intricately designed LEGO structures only to look forward to the following 60 seconds where they got to smash it apart with a cricket bat. It’s a game for friends to cackle at when you get together and don’t really want the competitiveness of Mario Kart to possibly spoil a relaxed evening. It’s a game for couples going on one their first dates and needing something silly to laugh and bond over (Hell, my girlfriend will probably love playing this with me).
It’s a game to switch on when you’ve had a particularly stressful day at work and need to blow off some steam. That’s what TABS is, game that doesn’t require a large portion of your brain to enjoy and I mean that in the best possible way. It’s difficult to find games that are built for the sole purpose of being fun. Maybe the whole “Totally Accurate” part of the title isn’t as big of a joke as I thought. Despite the farce that the game is clearly trying to represent, you’ll be able to be quite realistic with your military formations. Your units have one setting and it’s the one where the dial points at “kill everything no matter how many times you fall over”, so it’s up to you to place them in positions that allow for some kind of synergy, like spearmen being placed behind shield bearers, or archers spread out so as to cover a bigger variety of corners. Certain units can counter others effectively and vice versa, with positioning and economy often playing a much more significant role than you’d initially expect. It turns the game from a fun, novelty experience into something that’s surprisingly deep.
Playing totally accurate battle simulator series#
A series of encounters that sees players needing to claim victory over particular enemies with a certain budget available for units.Īpplying those kinda rules to TABS is actually an incredibly interesting experience. If Sandbox mode doesn’t do it for you, leap into the game’s campaign. I spent hours just seeing how many halflings in Tweed jackets it would take to pull down a woolly mammoth when I finally had my answer (roughly 100 or so, they were surprisingly hardy), I thought to experiment with how many firework archers it would take to launch a woolly mammoth into the air. Yet TABS stays fresh way longer than I expected, offering players so much to do, with more content consistently being added. Games built on the gimmick of silly physics and bizarre scenarios often lose their appeal after a while, because that’s what most of these games are: A novelty propped up by a gimmick. That’s TABS distilled into a single metaphor and my God does it not grow old. Imagine if all the runners from QWOP picking up spears and declared war on each other. It’s hilarious to watch but so difficult to describe. Catapults send enemies flying through the air, measly shouts of rage turning to silly high pitched screams. Units can barely walk before they stumble over their own feet, let alone deliver a killing blow with a sword. What makes it funny is just how wonky it all is. In the game’s Sandbox mode, you’ll be able to dump a variety of units onto the halved-up map and watch them beat the shit out of each other. Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is a game that wants you to experiment and laugh at the utter absurdity of the events you can orchestrate.
It’s difficult to really shoehorn the experience into one specific genre, but if someone with particularly waxy moustache were to ask me the question while they tied me to a railway track, I would probably offer up “puzzle” as an answer. Let me be upfront, TABS isn’t an RTS game. The single thing they all need to do to make the genre flourish again, reaching a new golden age of strategy: Dumb units with googly eyes. Yet after playing Totally Accurate Battle Simulator this week, I’ve discovered the flaw with RTS games. I want to feel like I’m making a difference, a badass on the field taking names and capturing flags, not watching some nameless units aim at the same place and wait for one side to lose. Like, if there’s combat in a game, I wanna be in that. But the truth is that I kinda found them…boring. I’d like to say this unease came from a disturbingly real sense of warfare, playing the role of a cosy general damning countless lives in your stead. Something about how distant you were from the combat never sat right with me. I’ve never particularly enjoyed real-time strategy games.
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